Gay dating pitfalls


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  • 1. Do You Have Sex Right Away or Wait??

Add to the fact that a lot of our friends are single, and it becomes almost more normal to be single in the gay world than in a healthy relationship. We even joke that gay years are like dog years for relationships. And for better or worse, the second something starts to go sour, we have reminders that there are men everywhere. Our social circles are full of these perpetual bachelors, who appear to enjoy their singledom, and constantly question why we are looking to settle down.

We all have a friend or two, who claims to love being single, but through candid conversations it become apparent he isn't addressing his deeper wounds from past loves and life. These single gay friends come with their own baggage, and will often project that we too need to sow our wild oats. Getting married wasn't an option for our community until very recently, so commitment from a legal standpoint was actually far from a lot of our minds.

This in some subconscious way made us less serious when it came to dating. It's easier to just keep reverting back to all the other points that making dating hard than it is to try and work on something with someone we thought we really liked. Dating is hard, being in a couple is hard, but it shouldn't be this hard, right?

10 Reasons Why Gay Dating Is Really Hard | HuffPost

We let our minds drift, we make assumptions, and half the time we aren't even communicating how we are feeling with our partners. Yes, not all of us are jealous, or at least to an unhealthy point, but going back to issues of shame and insecurity that stem from our youth, we often have a hard time trusting that we are good enough. From this destructive flaw we then end up projecting our neuroses onto our partners, and find ourselves jealous for no reason.

Even if we are lucky enough to find someone special and start dating, jealousy can creep within the relationship.

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Mix in a lack of communication, which as men we are more likely to be bad at, and it's a recipe for disaster. While it can feel like dating, and ultimately finding someone amazing is impossible in the gay world, we have to remain optimistic if we really do want to find someone. Now more than ever, strong committed gay couples exist in public spheres, which means there are examples of what we can have. We need to stop perpetuating the idea that all the good ones are either taken, straight, or live far away.

The language we use when talking about dating needs to be positive and upbeat, and we have to stop confusing proper courting with endless casual sex. We need to stop using every excuse in the book, and start working on ourselves because we aren't perfect either.

We need to stop looking past the amazing men that are right in front of our faces, and start understanding that the sex part of a relationship will evolve. In the end, we'll ultimately be looking for a best friend, a companion to build a full life with, and maybe one day move away from all the craziness with.

If we are lucky enough to meet someone with whom our souls connect in an effortless way, we need to water that relationship because it is rare.

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Gay dating is really hard, but nothing worth having comes easy, so lead with love and positivity, and more than anything just be open to what could be. Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you. Barrett Pall.


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  • 2. Should You Call After a First Date or Leave Him Wondering?!

Dating is difficult in general, but gay dating is even harder. Sex is easy. We say we want one thing, but really want another. We have very deep scars. We go through a second adolescence. We have unrealistic expectations. Timing is everything. Every where we turn, it almost feels like we have everything telling us not to commit. We are afraid of commitment.

Jealousy plagues our community. Dating Lgbtq Sexuality. You will remember the relationships — good, bad, and ugly — that sparked through your life. They are the most frustrating part of living, and they are absolutely what we live for. Gay relationships are a different ballgame than straight ones. We live in an oversexed culture. We play by different rules.

You will see that cheating is not on this list — I do not see it as a terminal sign. If my guy gets drunk and bangs someone in the back of a club, I see that not as a lapse in judgment as much as a natural result of his physiology.

Cheating can be talked through and forgiven. Romantic infidelity is a different story — more on that later.

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Yes, dating apps can be bad for gay men – but not in the way you might think

My name is Alexander Cheves, and I am known by friends in the kink and leather community as Beastly. I am a sex-positive writer and blogger.

Celebrating The Diversity Of Our Humanity.

As with everything I write, the intent of this piece is to break down the stigmas surrounding the sex lives of gay men. Those who are sensitive regarding frank discussions about sex are invited to click elsewhere, but consider this: